I need an intervention, divine….demonic….demigod….semi-devil….I don’t care. I need someone, something to save myself from my polar (no make it multi-polar) personality. I am highly capable of destroying not only my inner peace but I can create inferno inside my head (and probably breath fire too) without any logical reason. The reason I am rambling ramble-writing) because I am fed-up of being the mature person, the sensible person, the one with better understanding, in….well almost in every relationship. I have used my ears for so long that sometimes I hear voices when they are not even corporeal. Even my dreams are betraying me; there also I am the who is doing all the listening. Imagine only to open your mouth to give someone some advice in which you have little (or no faith) at all. And that advice too backfiring on you after few months. Can’t I get my own pair of ears to blabber in, a shoulder to cry on and most importantly can’t I have someone to whom I turn up to when I am scared in life. So scared that even I am afraid to breathe, dream and think.
I am not asking for a prince charming or a knight in shining armor, all I am asking is give me at-least one person who can listen without opening the plethora of judgmental eye. Above all I need strength to go on….it’s been too long since I had reinforcement, now I am purely operating on fumes….fumes of dejection(or may who knows my own happiness burning’). I feel like a dog who is barking up the wrong tree because no matter how long, how deep I think back I can’t figure out what went wrong and where it went wrong (Google I guess this is your colossal failure). In finding what went wrong somehow I have somehow ended up with only two words…one is “thank you”…..second one is “sorry”. I use the latter word so many times, sometimes I think people around have the name sorry only and amazingly I am the only alive person who uses this word. I think I should left some eternal note to mankind saying, “Remember my name I am the one who burned my soul to save life of ‘sorry’, so don’t forget to say ‘thank you’”.
P.S.: I know not much of writing but like Sappho once said,” What cannot be said will be wept”, similarly what I can’t say will be penned.