Amazingly I bumped into one of my classmates after a very long time. We had one of those long chats where you end up talking about each and every memory of high school. While the catching up part was fun but real fun came when he said these parting words, “Its nice meeting you M, I used to think you are pretty arrogant during high school but you are not”. Said this he left but his words never did. So I started thinking was I arrogant when i was in high school or for that matter throughout my life?
Isn’t arrogance is like respect… as in people need to earn it. Also like respect it’s a two way road. I mean come on how mad do you think someone could get to deploy arrogance without any concrete reasons. At least in my case I know my aloof arrogance had a reason….. a resolute one.
During my school days I used to be one of those ugly ducklings who used to be so awkwardly ugly that people used to make fun of me on my face. As a result I was that kid who used to remain withdrawn and most of the time lost in her own mind place. I clearly remember whenever someone used to talk to me; the first thought would be “wait for the insults, just wait”. So in defense sarcasm and skepticism kicked in which was and still is mistaken as arrogance. (Some explanation that was huh 😉 ). Eventually it happened that people who were already avoiding me started avoiding me more due to sarcasm and I not being the eternal fan of insults avoided them in return. In a way it was like catch 22.
One thing led to another and soon we all left for various places and i somehow managed not to be ugly. I didn’t turn in some diva but yeah i am not that unfortunate looking now plus the knowledge of “how to dress up” helped too. So when that batch mate told me that i was arrogant I just cannot stop thinking that how could the bullies not know that “not looking for insults to be hurled at you” is not arrogance. It’s simply save your ass mechanism. And even after all these tactful avoiding act of someone confronts you specifically to insult you well the command is to “sarcasm assemble” that’s not arrogance that is defense according to my “save your ass” manual 😜 .
As if all this drama is not enough some of the guys who are (were) “friends” on social media started pointing out the much shameful thing “hey you are not the same person from the high school anymore, look at you 😉. Would you like to go for a coffee ☕ sometime”. Imagine my state of mind these are the guys who never looked at me. No correction they used to look at me but not in that way. At least not to ask out for coffee. So if I declined their offer to be entertained by them. Also I can’t see why I should be crucified for that or to be called as an arrogant person.
I have my well founded qualms which are reinforced a lot of times. I am not saying these people are same as they were in during high school. There is this teeny tiny sliver of hope that they might have evolved 👻(kindly note the tone of hopefulness beneath the layer of eternal sarcasm). But I am still that vulnerable and emotionally insecure person when it comes to this stuff. Overly protective, hence I avoid such situations where I can be shoved back into that abyss of low confidence once again. Also my whole life I have used sarcasm (maybe not whole life but ever since I discovered that sarcasm is not a myth😍) as a buffer system. It kept me safe and sane. Might be a silly excuse but survival tricks are not that easy to come across. To be honest, a trick which is so entertaining and caustic at the same time is a real jewel. So kindly excuse my lifestyle if it tried to co-exist with teenage hormones.
So if I was arrogant maybe (kindly read DEFINETLY) you have somehow attracted my attitude with your own charming behavior then please Oh Lord of this universe 👑keep your thoughts to yourself. Because as you know like most of the emotions present in this human world showing attitude which is essentially translated into being arrogant or disrespectful, also is a two way thing. Be nice to me and the general courtesy calls for normal behavior, which again essentially consists of no rude behavior from my side. So if I have this basic sense than most certainly my attitude must have well founded reason to show itself. Because I am sure that than, Lord of this universe, you have earned it 👊.